“When we label something, we close our eyes and our hearts.”

Mireia Bazu

We increasingly live in a crazy world where we feel the need to label everything, to control everything, a world where immediacy is the order of the day and we want things yesterday. We live in a fast-paced world, but what we don’t realize is that our sons and daughters also live in this frenetic world.

I am aware of the difficulty of raising and educating children today, of the demands we place on them and, of course, of the demands we place on ourselves as parents, and where does this lead us? It leads us to want to have absolute control over everything that happens around them, labeling every step they take, every milestone they achieve or fail to achieve, justifying a baby’s normal behavior to family, friends, or even strangers.

What do I mean? Even before our baby is born, we have high expectations. We want them to sleep, to eat as healthily as possible, we want them to start crawling, walking, and talking as soon as possible, we want them not to cry, to be the smartest kid in school and also the one with the most friends… Of course, all this is wonderful, but… what if it doesn’t happen? What if my baby starts walking at 15 months instead of 12? Or is 3 years old and still wears diapers? Or doesn’t sleep alone? Or cries a lot? This is where our justifications begin, and with them, the labels, and of course our frustration at not meeting those often unrealistic expectations we had in our heads.

Do you remember how your parents described you when you were little? Were you shy or outgoing? Were you handsome or did you look like your “brother-in-law”? Were you a “whiz kid” or did they have to help you with your homework? 

And now? What are you like? Does your personality fit in some way with those labels that your most trusted figures gave you? Probably yes, and they have also had a big impact on your path in life, making them very difficult to shake off.

This is the real danger of “labels”: when you are little and the people who love you most tell you them over and over again, you end up believing them, and you believe it so much that your life may even revolve around them, because how can you not believe that opinion when your parents, the people who love you most in the world, or your teacher, the person who is with you every day to teach you, constantly tell you so?

Is it so bad that your child doesn’t sleep alone? Or that they walk later? Or that they still wear diapers? Or that they need more help to finish a math worksheet?

Perhaps if we, as parents, knew the developmental rhythms of our children and what is normal in terms of sleep, feeding, motor development, reading comprehension, etc., we would live more peacefully, bringing more peace of mind to our little ones, without the need to justify what they are going through and normalizing that everyone needs time for everything, removing that need for competition between parents to see which child does things best.

What do we want to teach our sons and daughters? Everything we want to teach them, we must first show them through our behavior, because we, through our example, will be the mirror in which they will always see themselves reflected. 

Labels hurt, they stay with us throughout our lives, they incapacitate us, they prevent us from seeing the person behind them, they diminish our real potential.

So what can we do as parents to avoid falling into these labels? We can accompany our children’s development process, we can observe, be close, offer help, and adapt the environment to make it stimulating and conducive to good cognitive, motor, and emotional development.

We can choose a good, respectful nursery school where free movement is key. We can attend parenting groups where we can observe and learn from other families. We can refrain from forcing things but still be there, allowing freedom for exploration and learning. Above all, we can put our cell phones aside so that our presence is real, because the most important thing is to get to know our baby, what they are like, what they want from us, what they need when they cry. this is the way we can accompany them in a correct and respectful manner.

And of course, we must stop justifying our child’s behavior to anyone, because no, our baby is not a crybaby, they are expressing their needs. They are not smarter for walking earlier, they may simply have better muscle tone and want to explore further. they are not smarter for being potty trained at two years old, they have simply matured earlier, they are not better because they entertain themselves or worse because they don’t let you stay at the table after lunch, no… We must get to know our babies and their needs, we must adapt to them because they are the ones who set the pace, and no, we must never justify how they behave to anyone.

Our children are unique little people whom we love unconditionally, and that is the most important thing: to raise them consciously and know that what we are doing is what we really want to do, because, I repeat, giving love will never spoil them.

Ana Torres

Asesora de Maternidad